Dawn of the planet of the daves
by Zombiesguy115
Summary: Random stuff.
1. Dave cult

1, face palm plus elbow in front part of other elbow and hit people

2, belt strangle

3, hair grows, power

4, tell bad jokes to kill people.

Note: This is not supposed to resemble planet of the apes.

Day 1:

There had been a report of a bunch of identical men patrolling the area, facepalming and putting their elbows in the front part of the other elbow and trying to hit people with this limited range. They had a backup belt that was held in a sword holder just in case they needed to strangle someone. And the last person who had been there had insulted one of their hair, and was turned into hair for the Daves to keep.

We were on our way there with our group of 1000 people on some planes.

"Someone pick up the phone!" Our sergeant yelled as the phone rang.

I ran to the phone.

"Hello?" I asked.

"Do you guys know what the best part about switzerland?" The person on the other end said.

"Actually, I have been planning a vacation there. What is it like?" I asked.

"I do not know, but the flag is a big plus!" The person on the other side of the phone said.

The plane blew up by the force of the dumb joke, killing many.

"We are going down! Jimmy, Jump out first, You're the only one that can stop them!" The sergeant ordered.

It was true, I had been trained in the art of Dave before he had started a cult.

I grabbed a parachute, and jumped.

Sergeant, Gersch, Jessie, and Amber all managed to jump before the plane crashed.

"Open your parachute, Jimmy!" Sergeant yelled.

I reached for my chute before hitting the ground.

"OW." I wimpered.

"Idiot." Gersch said.

I got up, realizing how low I fell from.

Close one. I thought.

As we walked towards the crash, We heard screaming sounds.

We started running and heard the screaming clearer.

"No, NO, NOO! Not the JOKES! PLEASE, STOP TELLING ME JOKES!" We heard Private Vic plead.

"Oh god, Just listen to the torture, It's too much for Vic!" Sergeant cried, feeling Vic's pain.

When we got there, we found just what was described.

There were only 20 of the Daves there, But they had massacred at least 500.

I guessed the other 200-400 people escaped.

But the sight of the daves was scary.

They were doing their facepalm, elbow in elbow and punch thing or FEEAPT.

But they were doing it to everyone.

"Hey look, A survivor." One said.

"Hey Private, My friend drinks brake fluid." One said.

"Really, that sounds unhealthy." The private said.

"Do not worry, He says he can stop anytime." The Dave responded.

The Private Promptly died due to the joke.

"Our leader will be pleased." One of the Daves said.

Sargeant passed down some noise cancelling earmuffs.

"Put these on and talk through your mics. Use your motion detectors." Sarge instructed.

everyone else put them on. Not me. I was immune to the jokes.

Day 2:


	2. Perimeter

Day 2:

This one gets slightly Darker.

Note: This is a joke project. I am not this dumb. This is simply for while I am waiting for the Longsword Timeskip part to be finished.

This story should be around 10 chapters.

Of 450 words on average.  
So about 4,500 words.

Tell me what you think in reviews.

Also, If you have a good joke for the Daves to say, please tell me.

I need more.

I decided to teach the guys the FEEAPT before we searched for a vehicle.

"Alright, Now, Facepalm." I instructed. Everyone facepalmed. There was a slapping sound as their hands reached their faces.

"Now, Keep the facepalm, and stick your other arm through the slot between your arm and body." I instructed.

They did as told.

"Now act like you are hammering something." I said.

They all did it and I realized how ridiculous it looked.

We searched for a vehicle that could hold the five of us among the wreck.

A group of four Daves came near the Crash on a vehicle that I recognized as a M-ATV.

I held a finger to my lips.

I pulled out a knife.

The sergeant, John, Followed Suit.

"Go." I whispered.

We crouched and Grabbed one Dave Each, covering their mouths so they couldn't yell for help.

We stabbed them and hid their bodies.  
And repeated for the other two.

"Get in the car!" John commanded.

"Shotgun!" I called.

"Shotgun! Damn!" Called Jessie.

I pulled out my Shotgun and got in the shotgun seat. After we all got loaded up, we drove off after a distant group of Daves.

"They are going down." I said, doing the FEEAPT.

"Do we have any idea where we are going, though?" Asked Gersch.  
"Damnit Gersch, Did you have to ruin the moment?!" John yelled.

"We already know where their base is, We are scouting it out. I still have the coordinates." Said Jessie, the sniper.

"Can We just have silence?" Asked John.

"NO." Replied Amber, The Medic.

We circled the perimeter of the base from a distance, Jessie making note of the Dave patrols, Number of troops, doors, any other entrances, and examining the building.

"Where did all of the Daves go?" Jessie asked.

"I don't know. You are the sniper." John replied.

"I know, they are all gone. It is like they know that we are here." Jessie said in response to John.

"Yes. But what about the group of Daves Behind us?" Gersch asked.

"Yeah. Wait, WHAT!?" I said, turning around to see about ten Daves, all either doing the FEEAPT, holding a belt, or trying to get a jammed belt out of a sword holder.

"Hold on please." One of the Daves said, trying to undo his tangle in the belt.

"Alright." Amber said, waiting patiently.

And we all waited for The Dave to get his belt.

"So do you guys have actual names or are you all named Dave?" I asked, Curious.

"We are all called Dave." HE replied.

"Doesn't that get confusing? I asked.

"Yes, Very. In fact Sometimes it takes an hour for guard patrols." He replied.

The next morning:

"Alright, I got the belt out. Fight!" The Dave said.


	3. Jokes

The Daves charged, In their natural stance.

"No one else try to do the FEEAPT! Only people who are trained can use the FEEAPT. Others can break their arms. Trust me, I have seen it happen." I said.

I did the FEEAPT position and waited for a Dave to come running at me.

"All Friendlies, mute me! I am about to have a Joke war!" I alerted the rest of my squad.

They all muted me and I began.

"When do you need to keep an eye on your cheese." I yelled at the Dave.

"When it is up to no Gouda!" He called back.

"He's good." I said to myself.

"I have a joke about Paper." The Dave Yelled.

"I don't want to hear it. It's probably tearable." I replied, already knowing the joke.

"I used to be addicted to soap." I threw a joke at him.

"But now I am clean." He finished.

"A mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of three. He says uno, dos. And then disappears." He said.

"He disappeared without a tres." I finished.

"Wanna know the last thing my grandpa said before he kicked the bucket?" I asked.

"Sure." Said the Dave.

"Wonder how far I can kick this bucket." I said, Delivering the Finishing blow.

The Dave disintegrated.

A Dave ran up with a Belt, and wrapped it around my neck to choke me.

I struggled for a few seconds before Jessie sniped the Dave.

We continued slaughtering the Daves until a man pulled up.

"Ha! The barber is here now! You guys are screwed!" One of the Daves taunted.

The barber dave yelled, and all of his facial hair grew 10 feet long, turning him into a weird Chewbacca.

"Run!" I yelled.

We all ran as fast as we could away from the barber.

"In the Vehicle!" I said, jumping in the shotgun. The others followed suit.

"Start the Vehicle!" I yelled.

The vehicle started and we blasted off.

The barber was not done though as he fired a few hair balls.

They landed on the Vehicle and some scissors came up and cut them making them blow up our vehicle, and sending us flying.

Right outside of the Dave's base.


End file.
